


There Are Some Things You Cannot Forgive

by badwolf2991



Category: Bitten (TV), Women of the Otherworld - Kelley Armstrong
Genre: F/M, vague mention of past sexual abuse, vague mention of violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2019-08-22 00:07:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16586897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolf2991/pseuds/badwolf2991
Summary: Clay bit Elena, turning her into the only female werewolf. However, with a past like Elena's, there are just certain things one can not forgive. This just happened to be one of them.





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back!  
> And this time, I'm taking from the chapter "Blame". Italics is not mine, but I'm warping it to fit my retelling that I want to see done.  
> Once again, I own nothing and am playing in Kelley Armstrong's sandbox. I am also taking the title from the book, a little later in the chapter but fitting a little too perfectly.

_"By the time you marry, Clayton's term at the university will have ended," Jeremy said. "What if he finds work elsewhere? Are you prepared to abandon your studies?"_

_Before I could formulate a reply, the door opened. I wish I could say it creaked open or something equally ominous. But it didn't. It simply opened. Seeing it move, I turned. A dog slipped in, head low as if expecting a reprimand for being in the wrong part of the house. It was huge, nearly the size of a Great Dane, but as solid as a well-muscled shepherd._

_Jeremy turned. His eyes widened and he blanched. He stepped forward, then stopped and shouted for Clay._

Not knowing why he called for Clay, I took a step back. Having been bitten by a foster family's dog--while not as massive as this one-- it meant that I had developed a healthy respect for unknown dogs. I would rather Jeremy or Clay deal with this dog instead of the possibility of getting bitten by one that looks like I'd be the entree before dinner. 

But after that step back, which put me only slightly behind Jeremy, the dog shifted its head slightly. Which looked funny, because it was a distinctly human motion: one of confusion. Like it couldn't understand why I had stepped back instead of stepping closer. So focused on this massive dog of sandy blond coloring, I didn't notice Jeremy stepping sideways, putting himself between the dog and myself. I heard Jeremy call for Clay again, his tone more authoritative, but it sounded distant, like I wasn't right behind Jeremy. In a flash so quick I missed it, I was on the ground. The weight of the dog holding me securely in place. It was then that the panic set in. Foster families and memories and panic.

I struggled against the mass of blond fur, rage infusing my panic, but it wasn't enough. It was like I was a small child again again, not on the cusp of adulthood, but barely able to call myself a teenager with gangly limbs that held no strength. Jeremy yelled Clay's name again, but it sounded like I was underwater, muddled by panic. It was only then that I felt a sting in my shoulder. It took a second to process the sensation: the dog had bit me.

The next thing I remember is Jeremy's face, wrought with concern, hovering over mine. I felt a hand press against my shoulder, and it took what felt like forever for me to realize it was my own. I could see Jeremy's mouth moving, but it seemed like shock was preventing me from understanding him. For the first time since I had begun dating Clay, I felt horror. Horror so strong I realized I was trembling. Trembling violently enough that my teeth clattered together. I could tell Jeremy was trying to move my hand, likely to suss out the damage, but my body had stopped feeling like my own. Then the burning began.

A jolt of pain ran through my shoulder and down my arm. A jolt so strong I blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was reading Frostbitten (book 10) and this plot formulated. I decided to run with it. I'm not sure exactly how many chapters it will end up being, but it will at least be a couple. It depends on how much the writing gods will grant me.


	2. Anomaly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I will continue to use some canon story, but I will be branching off significantly to make this story what it needs to be. If you feel a tag or warning needs to be applied, let me know.  
> I don't have a beta and probably don't do a very thorough job proofreading, so if there are any mistakes (spelling, grammar) let me know!

Two days had passed, not that I had known then. I woke to a room I didn't recognize. Although the face beside me I did: Jeremy. It looked like he was a statue, unmoving to the point it didn't look like he was breathing. My eyes burned and felt heavy as I blinked, trying to remove the feeling of cotton.

I tried to get my mouth to move, to ask what had happened, but I found I didn't even have the strength to swallow. It was only then that Jeremy moved. Moving slowly like he didn't want to spook a frightened animal, he shifted from the chair to the edge of the bed. Somehow, the sound of the blankets shifting as he sat set my ears ringing. Gingerly, he brought a glass toward my lips. And then gently, more gently than I would have guessed he was capable of, he cupped his other hand behind my head, tilting it forward enough so I could drink without spilling the liquid on myself. Water. It tasted clean and fresh and crisp. And felt intensely amazing to my parched throat. Or abused. It felt like I had been screaming for hours without end. Something I knew from experience.

It was only when the glass was removed that I realized the trembling had resumed. Then, a tightening in my chest so severe it felt like someone had grabbed my lungs and had placed them in a vice grip. The pain of being pulled upright momentarily pulled me from the panic, but the panic won. I could feel my breaths shortening, my lungs unable to pull enough air in to quell the problem. With a tenderness that belied his earlier questioning, Jeremy brought my head to the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

As I continued sobbing, Jeremy merely held me tightly. He didn't talk, just rubbed one hand up and down my back in a soothing manner while the other held me against him. A small part of me wondered how I was able to stand being plastered so close against a man I barely knew, but another part of me really didn't care. That small part said I could trust him with my life, that he would protect me from anything. It felt like hours had passed before I could finally breathe again. As I was able to pull enough air into my lungs, I got a whiff of something, an earthy scent that I hadn't noticed previously. Although, my brain felt like mush, so it's possible I was imagining things. I could feel Jeremy's chest vibrate, like he was saying something. But if he was talking to me, well, I passed out without hearing him.

* * *

When I woke again, Jeremy was once again in the chair by the bed. My bed, I guess, because it was the same one from earlier. I woke feeling more clear-headed, and while I still had lingering aches, it was a very mild discomfort. I was able to maneuver myself into a sitting position, all while Jeremy sat watching. 

"How are you feeling?" his voice was calm, collected. I didn't respond immediately, trying to figure that out myself. My shoulder still felt tender, but more like I strained the muscle than was bitten by a massive dog. If the dog had infected me with something, I would have expected a fever. And while I was warm, it was a comfortable warmth like I had been laying out in the sun. The dryness of my throat wasn't an issue this time around, and my eyes no longer burned. I actually felt rested, albeit confused. I decided to answer as honestly as I could. 

"I'm not sure." my voice sounded like my own, although it came out barely above a whisper. I watched as Jeremy shifted forward, but stayed seated in the chair. The chair was closer that it was previously, since he was able to place the back of his hand against my forehead. "I guess I'm just confused on what happened?" I didn't like how the question snuck out of me.

"Well what do you remember?" his voice softening to match my own. I was oddly aware of just how quiet the house seemed.

"Where's Clay?" Suddenly panic filled my veins. I remembered Jeremy calling for him. If Clay had been the one to take care of the dog and had gotten bitten himself--

"First tell me what you remember," Jeremy's voice interrupted my thought. "And then I'll tell you where Clayton is." A command if I ever heard one. So I took a deep breathe.

And I told him. From talking to him in the study, to the dog that nosed its way into the room. I explained about having been bitten when I was younger by a foster family's dog, and that I tried to avoid being too close to unknown animals. That I could have sworn I saw a distinctly human reaction from the dog just before it pounced on me and had bitten me. I flat out skirted around the panic of being pinned, deciding that he didn't need to know the Elena Michaels sob story. That I saw his face before blacking out the first time. I came to, feeling like I'd just attempted to run a marathon after a triathlon. That the panic resurfaced and found myself sobbing against his shoulder. I started to apologize for it but he had brushed it off. "I must have fallen asleep again because next thing I know I'm back laying in bed and you're on the chair again." The entire time Jeremy sat there, listening. I finished what I could remember, now it was his turn to fill in the blanks. He didn't however, start where I wanted him to.

"You were unconscious for two days, initially. A high fever keeping you out for the most part. It has since broke, so you'll be fine." He continued on, telling me things that I really didn't care to hear about. As long as I felt fine and was fine enough to leave soon, I didn't want to hear about what had happened to me while I was unconscious. I wanted to know if Clay was okay, and why he wasn't right beside me too. "I told Clay to leave."

"You what?" My voice shrilled, something I would later deny if asked about. It was something various therapists had tried to get me to work on, controlling my temper which always seemed to be verbal more than anything else.

"After Clay bit you, I had to-"

"What do you mean, 'after Clay bit you'. A dog bit me. A massive one, yes, but-" I trailed off as Jeremy shook his head slowly. My heart sank in my chest.

"I'm sorry Elena." And he did sound genuinely sorry. "Clay and I are not human. Not completely." I felt my jaw fall, confusion surely on my face. He went on to explain about a subspecies that have the ability to change into a wolf, with some added extras. Detailed enough that he answered any question before I could even voice them. How the wolf gene was passed from father to son or was passed by being bitten. That not everyone who was bitten survived. How he wouldn't have wished this on his worst enemy. Although Jeremy didn't seem like the type to have any enemies. He continued to talk, level headed and reassuring at the same time, and it took a minute before something he said registered.

"What do you mean, not everyone who is bitten survives? What does that make me?" My brain was supplying the answer, but I didn't want it to be true. It just couldn't be true. It was then that another thing he said stuck out. "If this is passed between father and son, what does that make me?" I felt my chest tighten again, panic just below the surface. I tried to gain control of my breathing, but the sudden pounding of my own blood filled my ears.

"Elena," my name just a whisper. A small sigh escaped him before he continued. "That makes you the first female werewolf. Ever."


	3. Fury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So normally I don't write in first person, I find it a tad awkward. But in the spirit of the books, I am attempting to write that way. I am also going to attempt something this chapter as well, and if I find that it isn't as awkward as I feel it is, I may do it again. But, here is a new chapter!

I felt my jaw move, although no sound came out. I could see the sorrow haunting his face as he watched my reaction. Like he was waiting for me to start crying again, or to start swinging. All I could tell was that if it was possible for my heart to truly break in half it would have. Then, one word he had said repeated itself in my head.

 _First_.

Jeremy had said first female. My brain then circled back to the other thing he said.

_Ever._

"Are you telling..." I couldn't get the words out. My heart hammering harder than a hummingbird's wings. Because it sounded to me like any female that was bitten didn't survive. And if the genetic predisposition for it passed along the male line, there would never be a female werewolf. And this was something Clay would have known--must have known--when he bit me.

Adrenaline flooded my body, rage-filled with the knowledge. I had stopped seeing Jeremy minutes ago as I processed--or at least attempted to-- but a minute shift brought him back into focus. He held his hands up, a show of pacifism, but to my jumbled emotions, mixing with memories, any movement was triggering. He must have saw something on my face because he didn't move, just continued to sit: hands held up, like he didn't want to startle me.

Well. That didn't work so well when the door to the bedroom that I hadn't realized was closed slammed open so hard it rattled the frame. I jumped, and my already adrenaline spiked and laced with fear mind saw only one thing: a threat. It was only then that I realized pain flittering throughout my body, like someone was using me as a human pin cushion. 

Clay said something, but all I could hear was my quickened heart beating against my chest. Blood rushing through my ears as the prickling intensified, causing my back to arch.

* * *

I watched as Elena attempted to come to terms with what I had told her. My sensitive hearing picking up her accelerating heart beat--not concerning yet, but could be soon. A sour smell permeated the room. 

One thing many without the heightened sense of smell failed to realize is that most strong emotions released a chemical odor. Arousal usually spicy, something similar to cinnamon or cardamom. Anger takes on a metallic scent and joy smells fresh, like newly cut grass. Bitter, like grapefruit, indicates annoyance. Sour, well sour was an indication of fear. The stronger the fear, the stronger the smell. Earlier, I could smell the fear rolling off Elena. Something in her past made having her movements restricted paralyzing. It had reached a point that it was so strong I was flinching at it before she had fainted. It wasn't as strong now, but easily could reach that level again. I held my hands up--a submissive move that was not my first instinct. I could see it garnered her attention, and I could see her eyes clear just slightly. It had done what I wanted. It brought her back to the present, at least enough to stave off full-blown terror.

That was, until Clayton burst through the door so hard it rattled. And it was that split second I knew what had happened in Elena's past. Her pulse jumped from merely a little above normal to heart attack inducing. That sour smell strengthened to the point I feared the worse.

Two things can force a Change: too long of a time span between Changes and fear. And since she hadn't Changed yet having been so recently bitten, only fear would cause it this early. Records showed those that had been bitten wouldn't Change for the first time for at least a week. Sometimes longer, but no earlier. We still didn't know why.

But fear? Yeah, fear would cause a Change, especially fear as strong as what was rolling off of her. I could see the exact second Elena registered the pain of the shift. Even for me, a born werewolf, there was pain. But for a newly bitten? The pain excruciating and often what prevented bitten wolves from surviving.

I lurched forward, a silent command to Clayton to stay put. Words flew from my mouth trying to calm the tempest inside Elena's mind. Telling her to breathe when it seemed like she had stopped, reminding her that she was stronger than the pain, encouraging her not to fight it but follow her instincts. Repeating them over and over, my words soothing and assertive.

What seemed like hours only mere minutes before a blonde wolf lay on the bed. Eyes closed and panting, like she had just ran a race, Elena had survived the first transition. Slowly, I let one hand rest on the scruff of her neck, a comforting motion even if the human side wouldn't understand. I felt more than heard the sigh escape her.

"Elena." Clayton's southern drawl erased everything in a manner of seconds. I tried to warn him off--and he would be getting a reprimand for not staying away--but Elena turned out quicker than either of us would have guessed. Instead of lethargic and sloppy, Elena lunged at Clayton with intent and deadly accuracy. With deadly claws now at her disposal, I could do nothing as Elena raked them at Clayton's face, blood flying before I managed to pull her back. Years of practice and fighting my own fights meant I could reign her in, and one glance meant Clayton left the room. Although, the scent of his blood lingered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if you're waiting for Nick, he should make an appearance either next chapter or the one after. I don't really have a time-table for writing this, and this is more pleasure-writing than anything else. So I am not going to promise an update on a schedule, but I will try to make sure that I don't abandon this story before I forget everything I wanted to write.


	4. Serenity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did mention that I'm really writing this for myself, but I do want to know what you guys think of this.

Holding Elena in a way that I restricted her reach with the deadly claws but not her actual maneuverability was slightly difficult. I didn't want her to panic even further but I had to get her under enough control so that she could begin to calm down. I could feel her slowly, and I do mean slowly, calm; the rage still burned but she stopped resisting the tentative hold I had on her. This very second I was glad she didn't know that she would have the strength to break my hold on her if she did it just right.

I could hear Clayton moving outside the door, although the door itself didn't move. A good sign if I was to get Elena to calm enough to Change back. I could feel her muscles relaxing as time passed. How much, well, I wasn't paying that much attention. My pressing concern was keeping her under control so that she didn't attack anyone else or destroy anything in an attempt to. So I decided to try something.

"Elena." Instead of a swiveled ear, she turned her whole head. That was something she would learn to do later, but as a wolf it wasn't necessary. "I know you feel like Clayton betrayed you," a small snarl ripped from her at the name of the man I considered my son. "But you need to let it go. At least for now. I'm not saying he had done nothing wrong, but you need to calm down. We can work on this if you calm down."

I continued on, reassuring her. I knew that I couldn't make her forgive him, and honestly, I didn't want her to at this point. But she needed to relax enough that she could Change to the form that could communicate the best.

It felt like hours before she relaxed completely, and in all honesty, she had dropped down completely like she was exhausted. But she still didn't Change back. Either she wasn't as calm mentally as she was physically, or she felt safer in this form. And who wouldn't, she now possessed jaws strong enough to snap bones, teeth sharp enough to do major tissue and muscle damage. And we already saw she could do damage with the dagger sharp nails.

A small part of me didn't care if she was in human form or wolf: calm was calm.

Hours had passed by the time I started to feel hungry. Werewolves possessed higher metabolisms meaning more food more frequently. It was a miracle I hadn't felt this earlier. I long to get up, I had sat down shortly after Elena drifted off to nap. But not wanting her to be alone meant I hadn't moved. Wanting to make sure Clayton didn't come near her so soon meant standing guard. But I couldn't hold out much longer before becoming agitated myself from a lack of food. 

Deciding I hadn't heard Clayton in quite some time meant he was most likely outside the manor. It should guarantee enough time to make something quick to eat and still be close enough to prevent any interaction should Clayton return.

* * *

It had been four days since Elena initially Changed, and although there was a minor altercation when Clayton returned to the manor, nothing had happened in those four days. Elena had gotten agitated, pacing and whining, the minute Clayton's scent wafted into the room. The fact that she could tell the difference between lingering scents and fresh scents was something I would need to remember later, but wasn't important now. She was still in wolf form, having not Changed back, and I was becoming increasingly worried. She wasn't acting like she couldn't Change back, but it truly seemed like she didn't want to. When she had gotten agitated over Clayton's return, Elena had managed to scratch a pretty deep mark into the heavy wooden door separating them. And not in the _I want to see him because I miss him_ way, but the _I'll murder him if given the chance_. 

I had sent out a summons to Nick, hoping a familiar face would help. He should be arriving sometime this afternoon, having not been far with his father. I didn't feel it necessary to explain much, other than telling him to get here. I did feel a tad guilty at basically having kicked Clayton out of his home, but at the same time, he did this to himself. I had just returned from kitchen when the heavy door to the manor opened, and I watched as one of Elena's golden ears swiveled toward the sound, something she mastered during this four day stint as a wolf. She tilted her nose up, sniffing at the air. Since she wasn't reacting like she had early, it was safe to say it wasn't Clayton walking in. A few seconds later, the familiar scent of Nick Sorrentino found its way into the room. I slipped out of the room, hoping to catch Nick and speak to him.

Nick had a look of worry on his face, which was to be expected since I hadn't really told him anything at this point. I gestured toward the living room, and followed as he walked that way. It was only after he had sat down on one of the arm chairs that I started to tell him what had happened since he was gone. It took only a few minutes, glossing over information that wouldn't be helpful right now, but making sure he understood the situation at hand. The most important things were that Elena survived the bite and the first Change, that Clayton was an agitator to her, and she didn't seem to be in a hurry to shift back to human form. Nick absorbed all the information with an air of seriousness. I could tell he was contemplating what to say, and since I had said all I needed, I continued to sit in silence as he worked out what was running in his head. A small sigh escaped him before he spoke.

"What do you need me to do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not exactly how I wanted this chapter to go, but I'm were I wanted to end up ultimately so this will do. If it seems choppy to you, I might edit it later and smooth out some sections.


	5. Facts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Happy New Year! I meant to update this earlier, but well......oops. I didn't get around to writing it. But here is another chapter!

I woke in a cold and slightly damp room. At least, I thought it was a room; I couldn't see much with the lack of light. It took a few seconds to realize the reason I was cold was because I was completely naked. Normally, waking up naked and basically blind would cause panic. But some part of my brain registered that I was safe and that I hadn't moved out of the manor. How I knew that I didn't know but it was comforting. The second thing my brain registered was the scent of Nick's cologne, which was slightly confusing but welcomed at the same time.

I pushed myself into a sitting position, angling my body in a way that to at least try to preserve my modesty- public nudity was not something I enjoyed. I could hear a scrapping noise from somewhere to my left, but in the darkness that was all I could tell. Until Nick spoke.

"Since you're awake now, I can turn on the light. You looked rather peaceful while sleeping, I didn't want to wake you." As usual, his soft New York accented voice was laced with flirtation. Right now, it was welcomed. True to his word, a few shuffled footsteps later and the room was flooded with light. I was correct, Nick was to my left, almost directly in front of me. At least he would have been if it wasn't for the metal bars separating us. "There is a stack of clothes near your feet if you wish to get dressed." I couldn't see his face with his back turned towards me, but I could hear the smirk that said he'd rather I stayed naked.

Indeed, by my feet was a pair of running shorts and one of my lightweight hoodies. Folded inside the hoodie was a plain gray t-shirt and a pair of my underwear. I scoffed quietly to myself. Nick was a cheeky son of a bitch and probably enjoyed going through my clothes. I also noticed that there wasn't a bra. Guys.

"I didn't go through your clothes if that's what you're thinking." I turned my head to look at him. "Jeremy did." _Yeah, cause that made it better. Practically a stranger going though my "intimate apparel"._ I quickly slipped the clothes on, noticing that the shirt was not mine when it swallowed the shorts underneath, hitting a little lower than mid-thigh. Most if not all of my shirts stopped around where my waist was, since I was tall and slim, long enough to sit just below where my pants would sit; it was something I was adamant about when buying clothes. As I pulled the hoodie into place, I could see Nick turning around to look at me. I took a deep breathe, and that was when I noticed the scent clinging to the shirt, an earthy scent that smelt familiar but I couldn't place it.

"What happened?" I was proud to say that my voice came out steady, but only barely. It felt like I hadn't spoken in days if not weeks. Nick huffed, his shoulders rising and falling like I had asked him to predict the winning lottery numbers. He closed his eyes and looked down, for just a moment. Another deep breathe from him and he raised his head back up, looking at me.

"I better grab Jeremy. He'll want to know that you're awake." His words floated towards me as he turned and exited through a door I had only just then noticed. Jeremy must not have been far because he was only gone a few seconds before both men entered the room. And actually, as I now looked at it, it reminded me of a dungeon or prison cell you'd see in movies. Like where people were held hostage and tortured for information before being killed and buried in the woods, never to be seen again. Shaking my head to clear that thought away, I watched as Jeremy sat in the chair that Nick must have been siting in prior to me waking up, and Nick stood behind him and slightly to the left. I shifted so that I was now facing both men, although with the shakiness I was feeling in my legs I had to sit back down. I had to look up at them, which made me feel like a six year old again, staring up at my teacher when I would get a time out at school.

"I must say, Elena. You are far stronger than I originally thought." Of all the things I thought Jeremy would say to me, that was definitely not it. The shock must have shown on my face because his quirked into a small smile. "I also want to congratulate you, although this may be even more confusing. What do you remember?"

 _Well,_ I thought sarcastically, _It feels like we've already had this conversation_. I took a deep breathe, and thought back. "You explained that you and Clay are werewolves. Which might I say is a bit Guy Endore-y." I was not prepared for Jeremy to bark out a laugh at that. "You said that since I was bitten by a werewolf, I am one too?" I didn't like how it came out more as a question than a statement, but well, I was still a little confused on that part. A nod from both Jeremy and Nick prompted me to say more. "Then..." my sentence drifted off as I tried to remember what happened next. "I... I remember anger. Intense, vicious anger. And fear." I didn't realize I stopped seeing the men in front of me as I spoke.

"And then... and then." I tried to get the words out but they seemed stuck in my throat. "Clay." The name was spat with more venom that I thought I was capable of. "He did this to me." 

"Yes. He knew the likelihood of your survival, but he bit you. Intending to turn you into a werewolf." Jeremy answered the unspoken question. I could hear Nick shift slightly, like he wanted to add something, but he kept quite.

"He risked my life by doing this, didn't he?" I already knew the answer, but for some reason a part of me wanted to hear it confirmed.

"He did." This time Nick spoke up, sounding a bit dejected. A snarl ripped from my lips, and suddenly I realized why I was behind metal bars. I was up and moving so fast that even I didn't realize it until I slammed against the metal. Hard enough that it bent slightly with the impact. Some part of me knew that shouldn't have been possible, but the anger I was feeling shuffled that to the back of my mind.

"He realized that you were awake, and coherent. He wanted to talk, to try to explain himself. However, with emotions running high, it brought upon your first Change." Jeremy had picked up the story from there. I remembered, vaguely, the fear that was so overwhelming when Clay entered that room, fueled by adrenaline. The pain that followed, drowning out every other sensation. "Once you had completed your first Change, you lunged at Clayton. You managed a pretty good shot at him before I could get you down. Even with werewolf healing, it will probably leave a scar." Some small part of me was glad to hear that. "It took some convincing, but I finally got you to calm down." His voice was melodic in his storytelling, calming and I could feel myself being soothed. I was still gripping the metal bars tightly, but the aggression I was feeling was slowly dwindling. I didn't want to hear the rest, but I had to know.

"How long..." I trailed off, not knowing how to ask what I truly wanted to know.

"I sent Clayton out, shortly after that." Jeremy continued, like I hadn't said anything. "I summoned Nick, and he arrived on day four of you being in wolf form. You were calm enough at that point that you should have shifted back, but you seemed content to stay in that form. I'm not sure if you remember much during that time frame, but you spent most of it sniffing around the manor, orienting yourself to your wolf form." To be honest, none of this sounded familiar, but I did remember a long stretch of feeling calm. "Nick arrived, I explained what happened, and you seemed fine with him."

"You were prancing around my feet like a puppy wanting attention." Nick interjected, that damned smirk upon his face. I was about to snap a retort back, but Jeremy continued.

"You were fine for another day, before Clayton returned. And just like previously, you got agitated. Agitated enough that you went after Clayton. You bolted from the manor, and found him. We found you about two miles from the manor, fighting with Clayton, who was also in wolf form, and it took both of us to pull you from each other." Jeremy's face took on a stony look, like this hurt him to say. "I told Clayton to leave pack territory, at least for now. It took both Nicholas and I to bring you back to the manor. We had to lock you up in here to prevent you from going after Clayton again. You've been in here for almost five days now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guy Endore is the author of "The Werewolf in Paris" which is considered the most renowned werewolf novel of the twentieth century. I looked it up because I wanted a reference that wasn't very modern and since it was released in 1933 it fit the bill.


	6. Ambitions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to give this to you on Friday, as a Valentine's Day gift, but well...............I kinda didn't write it.

Ten days. I had lost ten days while being in wolf form--which still sounded crazy. For ten days in which I had no memory of with the exception of vague emotions. I tried not to let that knowledge get to me, but it was hard.

"If you feel like you won't rip our throats out, we can let you out." Nick quipped, already going for the lock. I looked up in time to see Jeremy give a slight nod, permission to let me out. Once the door was open, Nick slipped his arm through my mine, and proceeded to walk with me. Well, drag me really, as Jeremy lead the way upstairs. Neither one said a single word as we walked up to the spacious living area that started this whole mess. Nick continued to lead me, pulling me to the couch. It was hard to believe that twelve days previously I was just plain human. Now I was an anomaly within an anomaly.

I let Nick pull me onto the couch, although I sat besides him rather than on him like he was aiming for. I could feel Jeremy staring at us, or more specifically me, but since he wasn't saying anything, I wasn't saying anything. I was a little shocked that Nick was able to keep quiet in the tense atmosphere. Nick wrapped his arm around my shoulder, demanding nothing, but offering so much. I would have to remember to thank him for what he had already done, and probably will do in the future. Which...

"What happens now?" My voice was soft, but I knew that they would be able to hear it. I was scared, I'm not going to lie, but I was also nervous. I had no idea what they would expect from me. Foster homes had ill-prepared me for a lot, but this was a different game.

"The question is, what do you want to do?" Jeremy asked, his voice just as soft. Stern, but soft. "We can teach you the things that we would teach a newly bitten wolf. We can reach out to another pack if you don't want to stay here. We can do a lot for you, but only if we know what you truly desire."

"I guess learning the societal aspects of being a wolf would be a good start." I hedged, Nick snickering. I ignored him, looking at Jeremy to gauge his reaction. However, Jeremy gave away no indication of what he was thinking. I felt a small part of me cower at the idea that I couldn't read him. Nick muttered something that sounded vaguely like "journalist", but Jeremy ignored him as well. 

"We can start there, if you like. And we can play this by ear." I couldn't help the grin that broke out on my face. "Nothing has to be set in stone right this minute."

"I think that would be for the best." Nick chimed in, squeezing my shoulder gently. "But first, food!"

* * *

It was amazing what could happen when surrounded by friends. With Nick by my side and Jeremy's unrelenting patience, I quickly learned the ins and outs of the werewolf society. Pack order, history, just about everything one would learn when going somewhere new. Except, this was something I would never be leaving. 

But it wasn't just this pack's history, but the entire history of werewolves. From the first known werewolf. The journalist that I wanted to be loved the history that I was able to deep dive into. It was really quite interesting being able to map out the lines of the werewolf genealogy. Learning about the bad seeds, and the things to watch out for, like blood-lust. _I wasn't aware that we had issues like vampires_ , I remember thinking when I read about it. But blood lust for us was slightly different. It was a desire to kill through very gory means, rather than a thirst that could kill. I guess it could be the same, since the few cases of it that Jeremy showed me indicated that the wolves in question literally _ate_ their victims. There wasn't much left afterwards.

There was also information on wolves that was causing mayhem for the New York Pack, as I learned Jeremy's territory was referred to. Lone wolves who didn't want to be part of the pack, "mutts" who usually had some sort of run in with the human law when they were human. If Jeremy was showing me these to scare me into being good, it wasn't necessary. But it was insightful to see what exactly was tolerated and what wasn't.

Nick had great fun in telling me that I was low man on the totem pole, and not just because I was female. But since I was the youngest pack member, that meant I had "respect to earn". To which I punched him and he shut up about it. That was when Jeremy decided to test my fighting ability, something about being able to defend myself and the pack territory if necessary. I was a little shocked that he was the one to work with me on that. I would have thought he was more of an overseer than a teacher.

Jeremy himself was a little shocked to learn that I had some very rudimentary defense training. And it was slightly satisfying to know that groin shots would still work on werewolves like they did on humans. Something I profusely apologized for.  In fact, once wounds were licked, Jeremy expanded on that thought.

"Groin shots will still work, if you have the power behind it. Same with shots to the nose, the instep of the foot, and solar plexus. Unfortunately most of your opponents will be bigger than you, stronger than you. They will have height and weight on their side and will not hesitate to use it. A good shot to the nose will blind someone momentarily, but pain can be forgotten in anger. Same for a groin shot." We were walking outside, the air smelling cleaner than I ever remembered. "A good hit to the solar plexus," he held his hand over the center of his abdomen, were I would imagine the rib cage sat just above. "will knock the wind out of them. Usually stuns for a few seconds as they try to regain their breath. You, being smaller, will have speed on your side. In that short few seconds where they can't breathe, you can run for safety or get a few shots in to make it a fairer fight." A short laugh escaped him. "It will sadly, never be truly fair. But with enough training and experience you could become a force to be reckoned with."

And that was a thought I could get behind.


	7. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... a little over a month. My b. Have a chapter!

Training quickly became my favorite part of the day. Between Nick and Jeremy, my rudimentary skills went to what others would call intermediate— better than beginner but still miles away from expert. Training took up about three hours a day, working on endurance as well as fighting.

Having been a runner it wasn't that hard- my endurance was already great. But Jeremy pushed me to go faster, further than I ever dreamed.

Jeremy would still walk with me about the property, imparting wisdom as he saw fit. Sometimes he would question me on things I could sense, gauging how far I could see in different lights, if I could smell things, hear things. 

Being told I was smelling things that even he barely could freaked me out.

It didn't hit me how long I had been there until about three weeks since Nick returned. It started as a very minor inconvenience, like a fly buzzing around my head. Then the itching started, like something got under my skin and wanted out. Not even two hours later it felt as if my skin had been covered in bleach. I went to Jeremy. When he had become the first person I went to I didn't know, but I knew he would know what to do.

"You're experiencing the need to Change."

Well, when you put it that bluntly, it made sense. I vaguely remember him explaining it a few weeks ago, during one of our walks.

_We were walking in the woods behind his house, which he informed me that he owned something like fifteen acres in each direction of his house. We would be safe here, we could talk about anything. Most people avoided the woods; someone had started a rumor that bears frequented the area and that kept most people off the property. Every so often someone would venture too close to the house and somehow there was always a way to frighten them off without revealing anything. I had a strong feeling that Nick had something to do with it._

_Today, he was telling me little things that he feared he may have glossed over too quickly. He started with asking me if I had any question._

_"So does shifting.." I started, noticing his scowl. "Changing, is there any pattern to it? Or is it random?" That was one thing he tried to break the habit of. It was Changing, not shifting. The bite altered DNA, changed DNA, thus it was a Change, not a shift. Something also about actual Shifters, needing to consume human flesh and I had stopped listening after that because we were eating breakfast._

_"It's not tied to the moon, if that's what you were asking. It's slightly different for each wolf, but one must Change every month or so. Sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. Has to do with personal strength, mental fortitude and age. Younger wolves may feel the need as often as every two weeks, where some older wolves can go almost two and a half months, although they say the pain gets unbearable if they wait that long."_

He had gone on to explain how it was slightly different for everyone, but the symptoms were pretty universal. Starts off as something similar to a bug bite, something you can ignore pretty easy. Then, usually after a few days, it grows in intensity to the point where it is more constant, not something you can ignore. After that it would only grow more debilitating the longer you prolong the waiting. That if one waited to long it can cause madness when the Change does occur, and that is often when a wolf attacked humans: the madness caused them to travel too close to human populated areas and the madness makes the wolf see a non-existent threat. Jeremy had also mentioned that fear can make a wolf Change. Too much cortisol too fast  _blah, blah_ ; I wasn't a biologist. All I cared about was too much stress equals a Change. 

We had previously discussed things about when I would have to Change. I wanted privacy to do so, and I would prefer Nick to be there. Jeremy had been a little concerned that I would struggle with the Change, since my first one had been under duress, but had agreed to give me privacy but be near by. He agreed that Nick being with me, if not right beside me but near me, would be wise since Nick would be able to keep me calm, not that Jeremy wouldn't be able to calm me down; they agreed avoiding a panic was better than stopping a panic.

So when he said that I needed to Change and soon, a spark of fear ran through me. Nick was supposed to be here. But currently, he was about two hours away, grocery shopping because wolves eat a lot of food. Jeremy watched me, as I stood slightly paralyzed by fear. Jeremy had become like a father to me, whereas Nick was the older brother. He never spoke down to me, never made me feel stupid for not knowing something. He treated me like his flesh and blood daughter. And in that moment, I realized just how badly I had been treated in the past. I knew the extent of the abuse I suffered; but I didn't realize how much it had messed me up mentally. So I did the one thing that I knew would start my healing.

"Can you help me?"


	8. Experience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I want to thank Multi_fandoms_4ever for writing a review, which reminded me that I have a wip. And that I should probably write the next chapter. So here ya go!
> 
> I may have also listened to Ruelle's Until We Go Down on repeat as I wrote this.........

The problem with this, was that Jeremy wanted me as calm as possible.

We had walked to a small clearing where I could have the privacy I wanted, while Jeremy was close enough that he felt comfortable. The first thing he had me do was remove my shoes and socks. Something about being grounded with nature or something... I kinda had stopped listening in my panic. Too much had happened beyond my control, and as much as I hated it, this was beyond my control. Internally I knew that was causing problems, both in my life before and after being bitten. I didn't like my control being take from me.

It wasn't until warm hands gripped my shoulders that I realized I was near hyperventilating.

"Breathe, Elena. You need to breathe." The forest seemed to fall away with Jeremy's words and his voice was the only thing I could concentrate on. "You are in control. Yes, you need to do this, but you are in control. So take a deep breathe, hold it for three, and release it for three." I tried to follow his words, but the first was wobbly at best. The second was better, and just hearing him repeat the "in for three, hold for three, out for three" really seemed to help. Soon enough I was breathing normally, felling more in control of myself.

"I know this is scary. Something happened because of someone you trusted. It should have never happened. But it did. And you survived. You took back control once; you can do it again. But I'll be with you every step of the way. You are not alone anymore." I could feel the pressure building in my stomach, the ache associated with a Change, but I could also feel a sense of calm wash over me.

I wasn't alone. Never again would I be alone; no one standing in my corner to cheer me on or back me up. I found a family. A family that I had been searching for since I was five. I felt myself kneeling down, which meant Jeremy had backed away. I could feel the pain of the Change occurring, but it didn't really penetrate my mind.

The next thing I knew was I was staring at a massively beautiful hickory brown wolf.

* * *

I knew the minute I broke through Elena's panic that she would make it. Knowing the bare bones of past trauma, I could soothe aches that never healed. I knew that I could help her heal old wounds if she desired. 

I had come to see Elena as my daughter, and the protective father came out. As the pack Alpha, I was protective of my pack, but this was different. This was a protectiveness I had never felt before. I could feel the tension leak from her body as she regained control of her breathing, and I could tell that my words broke some barrier that was in her mind.

Almost as if in a trance, she slowly folded inward, until she reached her knees. She seemed dazed as she stripped off her shirt, and I managed to turn around before anything else was removed.

This was one thing I knew she wouldn't be able to handle. With my back to her, I began preparing for my own Change. One perk of being as old as I am was I could Change pretty quickly. So once I was done with my own Change and turned to face Elena, she had completed her own Change.

And the blue eyes staring back held storge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So storge is one of the Greek forms of love. This one is the love (and affection) felt between a parent and child. Also, this seemed longer while I was writing it...


	9. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I can officially say I have put blood, sweat and tears into this.  
> Blood because I handwrite the first draft and managed to paper cut my wrist.  
> Sweat because it's gotten really humid where I live for the past few days so I was sweating while writing despite our air conditioner being on.  
> And tears because I typed this all up yesterday, with some slight changes that I didn't mark on my handwritten copy and my internet crapped out on me as I went to post it and I lost all that work.

My time spent as a wolf was a blur. I remember Jeremy being there and feeling the wind on my fur- which I still wasn't accustomed to- and that was really it. Other than the vague sense of it being peaceful, relaxing even. What I didn't expect was Jeremy to chase after me. Although thinking back on it, I would expect Jeremy to follow me to prevent me from wandering somewhere I shouldn't. But it seemed more like we were playing tag. He'd pick up his speed, gaining ground on me, then back off once he got relatively close.

The hours blurred as we ran, and that was the only thing I truly remember. The desire to run. And not run away, but to feel the earth beneath my feet- p _aws?_ such a weird dichotomy- and the stray rays of sunlight slipping between the trees. I could hear Jeremy behind me and for once I found having a man chase me didn't scare me. Maybe it was just because of who was chasing me. Maybe it was something else. A memory of Clay jogging with me one time came to mind: he fell behind for some reason and when he caught up with me it nearly sent me into a panic.

We ran until the adrenaline wore off and I found myself tiring. Panting hard, this was the best I had felt in weeks. I saw a small clearing and decided that was the perfect spot for a nap. Or rather, my body decided that as I collapsed onto my side and let exhaustion take over.

* * *

I woke some time later, rested and covered with one of the guy's shirts. Which meant I had Changed back in my sleep. Which I wasn't aware was possible, so that would be something to talk to Jeremy about. The wind whistled through the trees, whipping up Nick's cologne from the shirt. Looking around I saw Nick sitting on a fallen tree not far from where I was. He, of course, was doing something on his phone. 

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty. Or should I say 'Evening'?" Sure enough, the air around us was darkened with a lack of sunlight. One perk of being a werewolf: enhanced vision in low lighting. "We had just gotten back when you decided to take your little siesta." We being him and his father. "Jeremy tracked us down and asked me to stay with you while he took care of something." Well, that explained why he was here instead of Jeremy. I moved to stand up, being careful not to let the shirt drop. Despite being a werewolf, being naked in front of others was still something that I wasn't comfortable with. Honestly, it was something I would probably never be comfortable with. Once upright, I buttoned Nick's shirt despite of his scowl. Or maybe because of his scowl I did it.

I went to take a step when I realized two things. I had no idea where the manor was in terms of where we were, and I was starving. Thankfully, Nick either realized I had no idea where we were or knew that I hadn't been paying attention to directions while running. After all I didn't have a end goal with the running, I just wanted to run. He had slipped his arm through mine and lead me towards the manor.

It took about ten minutes or so of walking through the woods, which really made me glad that being a werewolf came with quicker healing. I could feel little twigs and bits of bark stabbing the tender flesh of my feet. I was half tempted to punch Nick for not grabbing a pair of shoes for me. Although, from the looks of it the shirt he had draped over me was the one he had been wearing. So I guess I would take the shirt and no shoes over the alternative. And despite the occasional pin pricks of forest debris the walk back was actually nice. I found myself enjoying the short walk more than I thought I would.

"Dad should be almost done fixing up dinner. Not sure what he was planning on making, but I bet your starving. I remember after my first few Changes I was always starving. Dad actually would joke that I could eat an entire Kodiak bear, bones and all." Nick continued talking, filling the void of the forest. Albeit I could hear little forest critters- squirrels and chipmunks and birds- so it wasn't really a void. I'm not sure when the sounds of the forest became my thought of home, when the earthy smell that surrounded Stone Haven became a comfort instead of out of place. The grounding scent of my family; and even odder still the idea that scents could be such a comfort that even the faintest trace of it calming. I truly had found a home. And more importantly, I found a true family. 

* * *

Dinner was simple. Antonio had grilled up some skirt steak, which was seasoned perfectly as always, with some mixture of vegetables and fresh bread. Before having been bitten, I avoided meat as much as possible. I found it was something I could control, even when I was young especially when bouncing around foster homes, and so it was something I stuck with for as long as I could remember. But once I had been bitten, my body used up more energy just with daily automatic bodily responses. Not to mention when I would Change, something like quadruple the amount of energy expelled. Jeremy explained that I could try and stay vegetarian, but that I would be eating so much more food just to keep it running. I still ate mainly vegetables and fruits, but I made smart choices and as long as Antonio was cooking, well, I'd basically eat just about anything. 

Logan had joined us at some point during my Change, and it was nice to see his face. We had met previously; Clay having invited him to a day of hanging out with Nick. Logan had been more social than Clay, but not nearly as social as Nick. So when Clay had become the surly grump of the group and Nick had vanished with some chick, Logan and I had talked. While we didn't share much in common, we had reached a tentative friendship. Which only got stronger when he learned I had survived being bitten. All four of them were being rather considerate not mentioning Clay's name, at least not when I was around to hear it. And while I found myself able to think about him, and the short past we had shared, I still wasn't ready to face what happened between us. 


	10. Sanctions

Summer faded into fall, which brought along cooler weather and more furry critters running through our forest. With the changing temperatures, Jeremy wanted to see how well I could distinguish scents. Especially since I could find my way back to the manor once I recognized the scent of home- an earthy scent that I associated with the bricks, the acrid smell of smoke and if I concentrated hard enough I could isolate Jeremy's unique scent. 

Jeremy tested me first with individual scents, ones commonly found, like oak and pine, charcoal and paint, water and honey. Then he would ask me to identify mixtures, to see if I could tell him each individual ingredient. It pissed me off when he held a jar of vinegar with what smelt like cigarette ash up to my nose.

It wasn't until about two weeks of it that I asked him about it.

"Do you remember the day I asked you about things you could smell?" Jeremy and I were strolling through the woods, enjoying the cooler air. One (more) thing about being a werewolf: our bodies run a little warmer than humans. I was learning so much about human biology now that I was no longer strictly human.

"Yeah. You were surprised I could smell that the Mollins family was smoking deer." The Mollins were our closest neighbors, something like six acres outside of Jeremy's fifteen. Jeremy could smell the smoke from were we had been, but wasn't able to tell what was being cooked. It wasn't until we had approached the edge of our land that Jeremy could tell it was deer. I could about ten or so feet from the manor. I had also mentioned that I could smell a fluffle of rabbits- although they had moved recently- as well as a newborn deer resting nearby.

"One thing I noticed early was you could differentiate between 'new' and 'old' scents. Clayton's scent was all over various surfaces in the manor, varying in degrees of freshness. While you were agitated by everything that was going on, you were relatively calm." Jeremy had stopped by the brook that ran along the northern-most point of the property. The gentle babbling was soothing, bringing about a serene feeling. The aria of a Cerulean warbler filtered softly completing the tranquility of the forest.

"And I lost it when Clay entered the room."

"Even that newly Bitten, not even Changed yet, you could tell the difference between a fresh, ongoing scent, and lingering scents. Being a werewolf means heightened senses, but your nose is far stronger than any I've come across before. It could be useful if you decide to do something with it." We had continued walking, listening to the Sound of Nature as Nick called it. Antonio had been spending time helping me identify noises common to the area, like birds and various small critters. Something about being able to identify which creatures went silent could help determine what was approaching, whether it was bear, actual wolf, human or werewolf.

Jeremy had made a comment about how I seemed to be more at ease with Changing, when Nick ran up, a look of concern on his face. Wordlessly, Nick handed something to Jeremy- a letter?- and Jeremy barely looked at it.

"Take Elena into town."

And with that Nick took me on an adventure.

* * *

 

I pestered Nick as much as I could about what he handed Jeremy. He confirmed it was a letter, but that was it. He was oddly tight-lipped about it. The letter was bogged down with too many scents for me to try and figure out who had sent it, or even from where.

We ended up in an outlet mall, which was shockingly not that busy. We had stopped for food-hamburgers and fries- and were currently just walking up and down the walkways. Nick was trying everything to prevent me from asking about the letter. Which meant he was goading me.

"How well do you think your sniffer works?"

"Why?" The Cheshire grin had me concerned. We had stopped outside one of those chain fragrance stores that sold body soaps and lotions, and I could see something formulating in his mind. 

"Go in and pick out candles that smell the closest to us." I groaned but headed in.

About 15 minutes later, Nick held three candles. He approved of my choices and wanted to get them as a sort of gag gift.

Jeremy was getting "Flannel", which made me think of a cozy fireplace with that touch of masculine comfort.

Antonio was getting "Citron Cedarwood", a slightly fruity yet earthy scent that was relaxing.

Logan was getting "Sunlit Cashmere". A scent that Nick described as "girly, but not." I thought it was more along the lines of familiar and pleasant.

I still had to find a candle for Nick and myself. I was torn between two for myself, Tahiti Passionflower and Guava Piña Colada. One was a subtle floral scent and the other a subtle fruity scent, although both were a calming sweetness. I held both up for him to make the deciding factor. Distinguishing my own scent was harder to do, but I knew the vague scents of my "scentless" shampoo, conditioner and body wash.

While he debated the two, I continued to look around, picking candles at random. I grabbed one, Mahogany Teakwood, which nearly made me puke. I almost dropped it in an attempt to get away from it. I grabbed a different one and held it closer than necessary to flush the scent out.

And...

This one.

I realized the scents were things you associate with sentiments.

Flannel: bergamot, mahogany, musk. Father. Protector. Safety.

Citron Cedarwood: cedar, fresh citrus, green moss. Comfort. Trust. Home.

Sunlit Cashmere: Moroccan Jasmine, coconut, orange flower blossoms. Friendship. Comforting. Respect.

This one spurred something inside me. The rich, not quite spicy aroma filling me with something I couldn't identify. I peeked a the 'key notes' of the candle and saw dark oak, bergamot, and bourbon spirits; and thought there would never be a more perfect candle to embody all that was Nicholas Sorrentino.

I turned just in time to see Nick place the blue candle- Tahiti Passionflower- in the little bag thingy with the rest of the candles. I refused to let Nick see the candle I chose for him, Bowties & Bourbon, as the cashier ran up our candles, and wrapped them so they were protected.

And if I had a smile on my face, well, I couldn't really help it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did spent 20 minutes smelling all my candles to find ones that I feel represent the characters. I also don't want to think about the various, weird things I googled while writing this chapter. FYI: 15 acres is the size of Liberty Island which houses the Statue of Liberty (this was one of them, making sure 30 acres-I'm imagining 30 running east/west and 30 running north/south-was actually a decent size for what basically constitutes as a forest surrounding the manor).  
> Also: Tahiti Passionflower is Tahitian flowers, orange blossom and solar musk. A nice flowery smell that is very subtle and not at all overpowering.  
> The candle that Elena reacts negatively to is not a disgusting smelling candle, but since I used my personal scent preferences for these and that is a candle I do not like (my brother does however), you can probably guess who it is supposed to represent.


	11. Echoes

Things were going great.

For the first time that I could remember, I was truly happy. Antonio and Jeremy continued to provide the paternal guidance I needed, whether it was werewolf related or not. They also continued to strengthen me- mentally and physically.

Logan continued to be my connection to the "outside world". He helped me keep in touch with the few friends I wanted to, guiding me in the subtle art of lying. Reasons why I wasn't back at school, why they couldn't visit me where I was. He said it would eventually become second nature for me. I really didn't like that thought.

Nick... Well I guess you could say that Nick began to confuse me. Not once since he arrived at Stonehaven has he talked about his latest conquest. Normally, he would brag about it non-stop. In fact, he was acting so unlike the Playboy I was use to. I was concerned. He talked to me about a book he started reading: which he once joked that he was too good looking to spend time reading.

Not that I wasn't grateful. I was. This was just a side of Nick I never expected to see. He seemed quite content one day to sit around while I did crossword puzzles because it had been storming out.

Then there was the candle.

Nick had informed everyone when we got back that I had picked out gifts for everyone. I saw Jeremy nod when Nick explained what he had me do. Everyone actually enjoyed their candle, or at least pretended to in my presence. Jeremy actually congratulated me on being able to isolate unique scent markers for everyone.

The feeling that was sparked by Nick's candle continued to nag at me. It was a feeling I couldn't place; something I was sure I'd never felt before. I had asked Logan if I could borrow one of his psychology books. Some of it was stuff I already knew. Some of it was something I didn't want to know.

I almost gave up hope when I came across a small section talking about kinds of love. That while they all basically meant the same thing, they were different. The book also talked about obsessions: an unhealthy love.

Well.

* * *

I jerked awake. Not sure why, I looked around my room. I could hear the heavy rain pounding against the window, but even with occasional thunder it shouldn't have woken me up. I'm not that heavy of a sleeper, but at my age you'd become aware of dangers in your sleep. 

I settled back against my pillow and had closed my eyes when I hear it. A loud--but short--scream.

Logan had left before the storm hit. Antonio was out of town for the weekend. And while Nick could have easily made that noise, my gut told me differently. Which could only mean one thing.

I bolted out of bed, running for Elena's room. It wasn't that far from my room to hers, yet it seemed to take forever. The closer I got the more I could smell her fear.

When I got to her room, a bolt of lightning illuminated the room. Huddled in on herself, making her body as small as possible, she was in the small corner created from her bed and the wall. She was shivering so hard I was surprised her teeth weren't rattling. Another flash of lightning illuminated her room for just a moment-- just long enough for me to see Elena's eyes glazed over. 

I could see her jump when the thunder boomed, a pained noise escaping. _Shit_. _She must be experiencing a flashback_.

"Elena?" I worried about not speaking loud enough. I worried about speaking too loud. "Elena? Can you hear me?" And now I was more worried about her not responding. She learned pretty quickly that when the pack Alpha speaks, you respond. We had reached a point in our relationship that she would tell me just about anything. She talked about her fear of losing touch with her humanity; that that was the reason she wanted to keep in some semblance of contact with her few friends from college. She talked about how she loved swimming, but the few times she had been to the ocean she freaked out. The things a father should know about his daughter, these were things I was learning about her.

Then there was the things that I knew she couldn't talk about, not yet. Bare bones and unhealed wounds. I knew enough to not press, but not enough to actually help. I wasn't a trained psychologist, but trying to raise Clayton into a semi-human from his feral state meant I knew more than one would guess.

And if what I was seeing was what I thought it was, it would be coming sooner rather than later.

Another crack, this time louder, echoed through the manor. Elena let out another pained cry and tried to make herself smaller still. Hurried footsteps alerted me to Nick's arrival. I was slightly surprised to see him holding two candles in his hands. One was his candle, the other appeared to be mine, which I had kept in my study. Wordlessly he handed both out to me.

Sitting about five feet from Elena, I tried to make myself smaller. Physically I wasn't much taller than Elena, but experience told me that a towering shadow over her curled form wouldn't help anybody. I pulled the top of my candle off, and reached towards her.

"Elena, sweetheart. I need you to listen to me." I waved the candle slightly, hoping the scent of it would catch her attention in my words did not. "I need you to calm down. You're safe, sweetheart. You're safe." I could see her outline relax, just slightly. With the next strike of lightning, I could see that she wasn't as tightly curled. It wasn't until I noticed that Nick had removed the top to his candle as well, and had slid it partially towards her.

"You always said scent was the biggest grounding sense." Nick offered with a shrug. He was much smarter than he let on; he was stupidly good at subterfuge.

I'm not sure how long we sat there, waiting for this nightmare to end. Nick and I continued to whisper encouragement, reassuring her that she was safe. It wasn't until the rain had slowed, and the room started to fill the pre-dawn grayness that Elena finally slumped. She shivered just once, before looking up. One eye was bloodshot, her face was unusually alabaster. Ever so slowly, she reached out for the candle sitting in front of her.

"Elena?" The words were soft, dancing around the deafening silence. "Do you know where you are?"

"Home." Except it was slurred slightly, as she pulled the candle close to her chest and curled around it. I could hear her breathing it in deeply. But she wasn't tense. "Cold."

"Can I bring you a blanket?" A look of confusion flashed across her face, before she nodded while taking another deep breath. I pulled one of her blankets from the bed and telegraphing every movement, slowly shifted closer before draping the fabric over her. Nick had shifted as well, and was now leaning against the wall. I watched as Elena leaned slowly towards Nick. Wrapped in her blanket, it would have been comical watching her move closer to Nick. Comical if it wasn't for the reason behind it. 

I felt myself relax as Elena curled up against Nick, the candle cradled between them. Nick had tilted his head back slightly, and Elena relaxed further as she drifted back to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Here begins Elena's TE.   
> I would like to point out that I have never been in a situation like Elena (and millions of actual humans). So if anyone feels like I'm not accurately writing this emotional stuff, let me know. I know depression and adhd.   
> And damn right I'm make the candles useful!


	12. Prologue

"Do you know what happened?" Nick's words were whispered so softly I almost missed them. His head was still leaned back, his eyes closed. It was only for the fact that his breathing wasn't slow enough to indicate that he was still awake.

"Not fully." I admitted. "But I can guess to an extent about what happened." I was now leaning against the plush armchair watching them. Elena was still curled up against Nick, wrapped in her blanket. The candles now sat on the floor nearby, just out of reach so they wouldn't get broken.

"She told me. Not all of it." Nick shifted slightly. Sitting on the hardwood floor wasn't the most comfortable thing to do. The minute shifting caused Elena to curl tighter against Nick. She let out a small content sigh as she buried her nose in the junction of Nick's neck. "Parents died when she was five. Considered a miracle she survived the crash without a scratch. Foster care, no other family. She didn't talk about it, but I bet things happened that should never happen but still do." I found myself nodding. It made sense. How she knew some very basic self-defense. Why she strived for her near perfect grades. The full ride scholarship. Even before her Change, the way she carried herself- that of a victor, warning others to not test her. She had a stubborn streak, a determination that wasn't easily swayed. Even now.

"I would hazard that some one took what was not his to take."

"That's one way of putting it." Nick's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Do you think Clay knew any of this?" _Ah yes, the instigator._

"I don't know. If he did, he never hinted at it. I feel that he wouldn't have gone this route if he did, but his letter suggested that he didn't see anything wrong with what he did." In fact, the letter pleaded for him to be allowed to return. Claiming he would be able to help Elena with her transition. No matter how I tried, he rarely felt remorse for anything. He saw the world in black and white, kill or be killed. If he felt an action was for the greater good, he would defend it with his dying breath. I saw Nick weigh my words.

"If the letter asked for what I think it did I would say he didn't know." Nick gave an aborted laugh. "Smart enough for a Ph.D., but still dumb as bricks."

"You can say that again." A sleep-laden voice responded. Elena still had her eyes closed, but had shifted slightly-ever so slightly- away from Nick.

"How are you feeling?" She still looked pale, but wasn't shivering, her breathing wasn't labored. There was no sour smell permeating the air, just the candles and the dewy smell from the window.

"Like I could eat a moose and sleep for a month." Sarcasm was usually a good sign. Usually.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Trying not to phrase it in any way that would cause her to clam up.

"Nightmare." Was her only response as she shifted so she was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Nick.

"Funny. Figured that out, Sherlock." The glare I gave Nick went unnoticed; Elena was looking straight ahead, and Nick still had his eyes closed.

"Does that make you Watson?" Nick elbowed her gently. Which prompted Elena to elbow him back. Harder. "You said that one of the many downsides of being a werewolf is the memory." Not quite a question, not quite a statement.

"Maybe not in those words, but yes." It went along with heightened sense of smell, you remember things down to the smallest detail.

"I think it was a memory." She shook her head slightly. "But all the pieces were jumbled. I don't really remember much, now." She finally looked at me. The broken blood vessels in her eye already clearing. Now a faint pink I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't know to look for remained. She was still unnaturally pale, making her sharp blue eyes stand out more. Like those of a collectable porcelain dolls.

"Do you have any idea of what caused it? This is the first nightmare you've had." She shrugged. "Elena."

"I actually had one the night before everything happened. I don't remember much about that one either." She looked away, leaning her head back to stare at the ceiling. "I was nervous about meeting you actually. Nick and Logan? Please. Talk about sports and you're golden. You were a mystery. Not quite sure how to win you over. You looked younger than I expected." The emphasis on _looked_ came through loud and clear. Pushing 60 and looking about 40 would do that. "Honestly, I can't recall the last time I was nervous about meeting someone. Maybe it was nervousness about meeting someone on unfamiliar turf. I don't know." I could see this was taking its toll on her. I glanced at her clock. She had only been asleep for about 45 minutes. Napping, really.

"Are you hungry?" Elena shook her head at Nick's inquiry.

"Tired." The word slipped out like it took all her energy to even say it.

"Well you do have this nice comfy bed just to your--" whatever he was going to say was cut off with a yelp as she smacked his shoulder. I stood, joints creaking from being in the same position unmoving. I held my hand out, intending to help her stand. Wordlessly, she allowed me to help her to her feet, still cocooned within her blanket.

"I'll let you get your rest then. You know how to reach me if you need something." I reminded her although it wasn't necessary. A faint smile erupted. With a small smile, I turned to leave her room.

The fact that Nick didn't follow didn't escape my notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they don't get too far in the dirty details. Remember, she knows them, but hasn't for long. She's not gonna spill all her history lickity-split.  
> Also, "what's past is prologue" is the inspiration for this chapter title. (Thank you William Shakes).


End file.
